How to find the perfect wife.

Wednesday · November 03, 2010 · 09:15 AM

Now that I’m married, I thought I’d share the secret to finding the right woman. Step one is finding any woman, which was tricky for me since I don’t go to bars (or wherever the kids are meeting these days) and I work long hours (in an industry that’s male-dominated so a workplace romance is out of the question). The obvious place to meet someone is on-line and I eventually joined Match.com, oddly with the help of Catherine (more about that in another post).

To me, meeting a woman online seemed weird and it took a while before I finally admitted the truth to people. For the longest time, when friends asked how we met, I said that Vanessa and I shared the same parole officer (which may be a good way to meet women, if that option’s available to you).

The big trick to making Match work for you: write well and post an honest picture (they’re going to figure out the truth when you meet them!). Luckily I could do both – my profile was interesting enough and the photo wasn’t hideous, so I was able to hook a good one.

Here’s the profile, which I took off of Match.com when I fell in love (on Aug 15th, 2007 – which says a lot about my “digital pack rat” tendencies):

Don’t match perfectly – someone the exact same as me might get boring. Or maybe not, I’m a pretty entertaining guy.

For Fun:
This space is too small to list everything I enjoy doing – I’m big on trying new things. Lately I’ve been involved in a year-long video newsletter that I hope to send to family members this Christmas.

My Job:
People often comment on how little I talk about work and I see no reason to stop that trend. (Unless you’re having trouble sleeping or something – I could call you and talk about the development of dynamic websites…)

My Ethnicity:
Man, what a tough call. My folks did the genealogy thing and found out that we’re quite a mix. I’m registered with three Native American tribes, unfortunately I got the paleness of my Scottish/English ancestors. [Note to self, rewrite this.]

Favorite Hot Spots:
I live near the T, so I can easily get BBQ at Red Bones in Davis Square, listen to free music at Toad in Porter Square, enjoy a microbrew at John Harvard’s in Harvard Square, and chill after work at The Tavern in Central Square.

Favorite Things:
Nutella, Chevy Chase, Groundhog Day, txt msgs, upper-case I’s, Samurai Champloo, ninjas, monkeys, ninja monkeys, my new tv, my deck, Heroes, Hiro, Wii, David Fincher, granola with vanilla yogurt…

Last Read:
I’ve been on a mystery/suspense kick lately and recently purchased six books from authors I’d never heard of. This is not a good way to buy books. I like Dennis Lehane mysteries as well as Augusten Burroughs and David Sedaris for humor.

About my life and what I’m looking for:
I was born in Lawton (you’ve probably heard of it – it’s the third largest city in Oklahoma) and spent my formative years in New York. This has caused some odd cultural and linguistic situations – I still think NBC is on Channel 4 and that thongs go on your feet. I moved to Somerville in 1997 against my will (when I was relocated for work) and I couldn’t be happier!

It’s a big world and I’ve been actively trying to explore every inch of it – from the Pacific Rim to Europe. I enjoy traveling in the US as well, my goal is to drive to North Dakota, Alaska, and Hawaii (maybe fly to Hawaii) in order to have been in all 50 states.

I have an odd sense of humor – dry with a decidedly quirky flavor. Luckily my friends understand (perhaps even appreciate) my humor. I like being with someone that enjoys laughing and is quick to see the funny side of life. I’m also looking for someone that’s clever, intelligent, confident, and independent. Someone adventurous, but perfectly happy to hang out at home and watch TV (is that a cliche?).

I’d also like someone that will tell me that even though the parachute pants are on sale, I shouldn’t get them.