Monday · February 25, 2002 · 03:03 AM

I decided I needed some new pants, so I headed off to the mall. I’ve been trying to get away from my standard Levi’s (button-fly, shrink to fit, 501s). So I thought I’d get corduroys, which happened to be on sale. Great. I ask a guy that works in the store if they’ll shrink.

About 1%, he says. I buy accordingly (35 inch inseam instead of 34 inch), get a dark brown and a caramel colored pair, then I’m good to go. Then I wash them. Maybe the guy meant 10% shrinkage. I now own two pairs of corduroy Capri pants. I have shorts longer than these pants. My boxers almost hang lower.

Somehow, I blame this on the squirrels.

[Google Gangasta’s: bare ankle showing ho’s]