Geek and proud of it!

Friday · February 01, 2002 · 05:20 AM

Gratuitous Dilbert link.

I used to be embarrassed about being a computer geek. People would ask what I do and I’d lie. “I make krimpets”, I’d say, “the little things that keep shoelaces from unraveling.”

See, it’s not that I wanted a better job, just something that didn’t make me look like a nerd. “I work for Mister Softee”, I’d say, “I insert sticks into ice cream bars.” Insert bad joke here, followed by a drum rim-shot sound effect.

I think my crowning glory was at a wedding reception a couple years ago. This happened (of course) after too much wine. “I sell synthetic dog testicles”, says I to the most attractive single woman there. “You wouldn’t want neutered dogs to have self esteem problems, right?”

Well, she decided that her drink needed refreshing and walked away. Haven’t heard from her since, in case you’re wondering. The punch line to this story is that I found out a company exists that actually makes synthetic dog testicles.

The company is called Neuticles. And to prove that life is funnier than something I could make up, they sell different sizes (from cat up to bull) and two consistencies (hard plastic and something they describe as “gummy bear”). I suppose the gummy bear ones are so realistic that the dog can’t even tell. You know, when they’re licking themselves or something.

Best of all, you can buy artificial testicle keychains. Those will be handy next Christmas for the hard-to-buy for folks that are on my list. Like my Mom. It’s probably a perfect gift to buy the person you’re stalking. June 21st is coming up sooner than you think – maybe I should pick a few up (hm, maybe the stylish necklace).

Luckily I’ve become comfortable being a geek and don’t say these silly things anymore. I do however say other silly things. And the women leave to refresh their drinks.

Women always seem to be thirsty around me…