A into B

Wednesday · January 30, 2002 · 09:46 PM

Anna is the only person I know able to stick her entire fist in her mouth (yes, I’ve tried). She also writes funnier than I do. Evidently, there are others that can do this too (stick their fist in their mouth, not write funnier than me – although there are a bunch of funnier people as well).

I just found out the Florida Secretary of State can put her fist in her mouth. Note that there are plenty of politicians that are quite capable of sticking their foots (feet?) in their mouths, but that’s not the subject for today.

Not that I’m obsessing or anything, but I find myself walking around looking at people, wondering if their fist would fit in their mouth. This will probably get to be easier when it’s warmer and the gloves come off – right now it’s a little tough to gauge the size of their hands.

This summer, my plan is to ask a random person if they have the time. As they look at their watch, check out the size of the hand. Then look at their mouth as they tell me the time. This should give me a general idea of the possibility of sticking hand (A) into mouth (B). If I try this in a bar, I may have the alcohol-induced courage to ask them to try it. And they may even have the alcohol-induced stupidity to actually try it.

Note that snakes can put huge things in their mouths by unhinging their lower jaw, which allows their mouths to open to several times normal size. The irony here is that snakes don’t have fists.

Maybe I am obsessing.