Dell doesn't get it...

Tuesday · December 11, 2001 · 03:19 PM

Dell is advertising hard for the Holiday Season. I guess nothing says Merry Christmas like a Pentium class computer. Too bad they have a retard on their commercials – this shtick hasn’t been funny in over ten years.

Anyway, that’s not really why I started this Blog. I received an ad in the mail (the boring old kind of mail that you have to go outside to pick up). This is the third day in a row. And I’m getting multiple copies of the same stuff (evidently ToeTag with lower-case letters is considered a different person by their mailing system).

It’s so out of control that I called them to see if they could stop mailing me. I talked to Dori and tried to convince her that I didn’t need any more. By the way, I’ve changed the name to protect the clueless; in fact it was really a male that I talked to. Dori is just a better name (note to Dori the stalker – I liked this name before you started eMailing me pictures of your underwear).

Anyway, I get this guy… er, girl on the phone and tell her that I received several copies of the latest brochure. The conversation went something like this:

ToeTag: “Hi, today I received two copies of your brochure and I got one yesterday and the day before as well.”

Dori: “Do you want to order a computer?”

ToeTag: “No thanks, I already own a Dell.”

Dori: “Shall I put you through to tech support?”

ToeTag: “No thanks, I’m not having any problems.”

Dori: “Oh, would you like to buy a new one?”

ToeTag: “I actually own four Dell systems.”

Dori: “Do you want to buy another one?”

ToeTag: “Isn’t four enough for one person?...”

Dori: “Do you need to talk to someone to help network them?”

ToeTag: ”...and two of the systems have multiple processors – I have six CPUs and only one person to use them. It’s not like a new system will let me play Quake3 better or something.”

Dori: “We sell peripherals, like joysticks. That might help with the game.”

ToeTag: “Actually I was just calling about your mailing list.”

Dori: “Oh, you’d like to be on our mailing list?”

ToeTag: “Exactly. The name is Michael Dell, 123 DeadTree Street, Austin Texas, 12345.”

My advice – first lose the Bill S. Preston, Esquire wannabe. Next fire the folks that answer the phones. In this slow economy (with stories of out of work PhDs, etc) Dell should be able to hire some competent replacements…