The Seinfeld Files

Saturday · January 07, 2006 · 12:27 PM

When Seinfeld started airing I was so inspired by it’s silliness that wrote an episode. I sent the sent episode to an email address I found on the Internet, where it was rejected. They replied with something to the effect of “sorry, we’re not making any further episodes of Seinfeld”. The show then went on for another five years.

Sadly I’ve lost that script (this was back in 1992 or something, give me a break). I sort of remember the plot, which I’ve outlined below for those of you that are curious or bored. The good news is that I recovered some notes and pieces of dialog from the same time (these bits weren’t funny enough or didn’t fit in the final script).

For added funny, do an imitation of each character while reading The Belt, The Usual, The Vegetarian, and The Game. Forget story continuity issues, like Jerry working in an office for three years. And I’m not sure what George was up to for this episode.

Seinfeld – The Stalker

Jerry runs into his “biggest fan” after a comedy show and is a little creeped out by her adoration.

Elayne dates a guy that owns an alarm installation company.

Kramer is seeing a woman from their building who is a professional dog walker.

Jerry comes home late to find that his tub and bathroom are wet. He figures the stalker broke in and showered there.

Elayne finds out her boyfriend is about to go out of business.

Kramer has talked his friend into expanding her dog walking venture.

Elayne convinces Jerry to get an alarm system installed. This saves her boyfriend from going bankrupt.

Kramer’s girlfriend gets evicted for grooming dogs in the building. She runs off with the alarm guy, impressed with his money.

The building superintendent tells Jerry that the woman above him was washing dogs and her tub has clogged, leaking into his apartment.

This explains his wet tub.